Eight is Enough?

Chuck Colson is one of my modern-day heroes, someone on my list of people I'd like to meet some day. I usually devour his BreakPoint articles with hearty enthusiasm. But not so today. Today's BreakPoint article (with the same title I have given my post) regarding the now-famous woman in Caifornia who recently gave birth to eight babies has me perturbed. It's not his observations regarding Nadya Suleman's story or regarding the devaluation of family today. And the article's explanation of the dichotomy between the devaluation of the family, even among those who seek so desperately to obtain it, is excellent.

It's the underlying tone of the article - what is read between the lines - that disturbes me. Merely by omission of a discussion of anything else, it seems to assume that all people who use assisted reproduction technology are those who flaunt traditional family values in favor of the "it's all about me" mentality that is so prevalent today. Seems to assume that all people who use assisted reproduction technology are those that wait until an unnatural age to conceive merely for personal convenience, irresponsibly pursue any technology that will give them a shot at pregnancy whether it is actually a good idea or not, run full-steam ahead without fully understanding all the tricky little ethical details no one is anxious to discuss, or otherwise put their own desires ahead of the concerns of the yet-unborn child(ren).

As it happens, this attitude is disturbingly common among people unfamiliar with the individual circumstances of those of us who are unfortunate enough to find ourselves in need of reproductive assistance. As if the mere fact of our need is not humiliating enough, we have to deal with people who assume the worst of us before we even explain ourselves. But what about the individuals who, through no fault of their own, are faced with a choice between remaining childless and pursuing a technological means of assistance? Is there any room in Mr. Colson's article for a God-fearing, responsible, married couple to take advantage of the miracles of modern technology to achieve a common dream that would have been impossible a mere 10 years ago? Even if it means taking advantage of a technology which is often misused and abused? Or must we eschew technology and remain in the dark ages, as shunned outcasts very likely to end up old and alone with no one to care for us? Is the God who created the very minds which developed such remarkable technology merciful enough to allow the redemption of the abused technology through responsible, moral usage? According to Mr. Colson, apparently not, as the article calls invitro-fertilization a "rejection of the natural order and the God who instituted that order."

For me, beyond highlighting the disgrace of infertility, the article begs the following question: where do unfortunate facts cease to be the proverbial mountain we must grit our teeth and climb and become an Everest which only the intrepid - only those who we do not know whether to call heroes or fools - will attempt? Regardless of Mr. Colson's article, at one point in time I would have automatically assumed that a God wonderful enough to create miracle technology which saves lives every day - and helps people achieve their dreams every day - is indeed merciful and loving and capable of transforming the ugly and abused (even when it is technology) into a blessing. At one point in time I would have known instinctively that God would allow us to embrace such technology - and would even bless us in doing so - so long as we do so responsibly and in accordance with the spirit of his law. But today I confess that I have no idea whether this is true. The fact of infertility feels so unfair, so punishing, so heavy and so oppressive that I can no longer imagine a merciful and loving God. I wish Mr. Colson had thought through his article more carefully so as to take into consideration an outcast like me. Maybe he would have given me some hope and a better perspective in the process.

Billing

I feel like my mind is chained to my desk. We are supposed to bill at least 7.5 to 8 hours a day to clients, in 6 minute increments. Obviously, you can't bill lunch, bathroom time, coffee beaks, chats with your secretary about her weekend, etc. If it's not actually productive time that you would ask a client to pay for, you can't bill it. That's fair, but to actually bill 7.5 hours you have to be in the office for at least 10 to 12 hours. That's a long day. And the trouble is, I can't concentrate. So it's 3:00 and I've billed exactly 2.6 hours. I should have done that by lunch time. I've got at least 5 more hours to bill today which means that if I think of nothing but work - literally - for the next 5 hours I might actually meet my goal for the day. That is, if I don't go to the bathroom, don't get hungry and go looking for a snack, don't take my husband's afternoon phone call, don't think about what I'm going to have for dinner tonight, don't send that email to my girlfriends to plan our next girls' weekend, and don't buy my tickets for New York next weekend, I might not start the day with a deficit. Great.

And still, it's 3:00 and my current task is nearly impossible because my partner barely explained it to me before rushing off to meetings. He won't be free until at least 5:30 today to answer my questions, which means whether I make my hours or not it will be at least 7:00 today before I can even consider going home. By that time I will surely not care a rip whether I make my hours for the day or not. And that's early, by firm time, but it still sucks. I'm tired. My head hurts. I'm bored with this damn opinion letter and don't' have enough information to do it right anyway. My other client is acting like an *&$D! and blaming me for his oversights. So instead of sitting here and staring out the window with utter abandon I am typing out this note so that I will remember to post it tonight, hoping that by merely getting my thoughts out on paper so they stop spinning around in my head I'll be able to concentrate more. As if this will make the opinion letter more interesting somehow. Here's hoping...

So much for that. It's 9:30 and I've finally gotten home, fed the dog, got some dinner and am now "relaxing." I left the office at 7:00 and billed exactly 6.1 hours. That's a minimum of 1.4 to make up tomorrow...